Tool · Three Questions

The Three Questions.

The opening of every Moral Expansion conversation. Use them with your friends, your roommates, your team, your family. Anywhere people gather and don't really know each other yet. Print the card. Run it tonight.

For a group of 3–8 · about 30 minutes

The Three Questions.

Eulogy virtues. Failure that mattered. What you don't have an answer to.

What's a eulogy virtue you think you actually have?

Not aspire to. Have. Loyalty. Honesty. Patience. The one you'd want named at your funeral.

When's the last time you failed at something that mattered to you?

Specific. Not a humblebrag. The thing you'd rather not say out loud.

What's something you're wrestling with right now that you don't have an answer to?

Open question. Real uncertainty. The thing that pulls at you when the room is quiet.

How to run it

Six rules. That's it.

Three to eight people. Phones in another room. Lock the door.

Whoever called it goes first. Then around the circle.

One person answers all three. No interrupting. No questions yet.

No advice. No fixing. After each person, everyone else says "Thank you." Nothing more.

When everyone has gone, you can open follow-ups — but only as questions, not opinions.

What's said here stays here. Say so out loud at the start. Mean it.

I'll go first

Going first is the entire game.

Type or speak yours below — then send your answer to one person before the gathering. Saves only to your device.

1 · A eulogy virtue I think I actually have

2 · The last time I failed at something that mattered to me

3 · Something I'm wrestling with that I don't have an answer to

Facilitator pack · the circle in a box

The Three Questions · Host's Edition.

Use this once the room is gathered. Read the script. Time the parts. Hold the rules.

Open with this (read aloud, slowly)

Welcome. We're going to do something a little uncomfortable, and I'd like us all to do it together. We're going to take turns answering three questions. There are six rules, and I'll hold them. The most important: no advice, no fixing — after each person, we just say "Thank you." That's it. What's said here stays here. I'll go first.

Timer plan

~5 min per person, all three questions answered in one go — no interrupting.
Group of 6 → ~30 min. Group of 4 → ~20 min. Group of 8 → ~40 min.
Leave 10–15 min at the end for follow-up questions only, not opinions.
If someone runs long, let them. If someone runs short, let them.

If someone cries

Don't fix it. Don't comfort it away. Don't pivot.
Pass a tissue if there's one nearby. Wait. The silence is the gift.
When they're done, the room says "Thank you." Move to the next person.

If someone gives a speech instead of an answer

Do not interrupt mid-answer. Let them finish.
After "Thank you," before the next person, you (the host) say: "A small reminder — we're answering, not arguing. Specific is better than profound. The next person has the floor."
If it keeps happening, repeat the reminder. The frame holds itself.

If someone tries to give advice during another's turn

Hold up a hand. Say: "Thank you — and that's a follow-up question for the end, not now."
Keep the rule. The whole evening rests on it.

Exit ramp (read aloud when everyone has gone)

Thank you for trusting each other with this. Nothing said tonight leaves this room — that's the deal we made. If something someone said sat with you, you can tell them so privately, later. For now, we're done. Lights up.

Now run it.

Print the card. Hand it to someone. Pick a night this week. Order food. Lock the door. The talk only works if the room comes with you.

If you don't have a group — start with one friend. The shape works at any number above two.

Where the shape comes from. A blend of David Brooks's résumé vs. eulogy virtues distinction (The Road to Character, 2015), Brené Brown's empirical work on vulnerability, and Frédéric Hudson's coaching frame on growth. The rule that there's no advice, no fixing — only "thank you" — comes from grief-circle and recovery-circle practice, where the listening itself is the gift.